Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is wine microwaveable?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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