so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
