the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
