whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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