i would punch a child for taco bell
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
