i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize