i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
