new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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