No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
