my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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