I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
