Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
