I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
