I got chris browned last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
