You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My bed smells like the plague
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
