porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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