but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
