Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
