If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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