she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
