You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
