I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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