I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
