Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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