i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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