it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
