someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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