Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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