was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
