summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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