Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
