He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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