i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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