i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
