My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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