Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
