It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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