sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
