Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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