u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
