24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
