Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
