What a fucking waste of an outfit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
