Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
