Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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