Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
