When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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