you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
