tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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