I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
