I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
