On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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