it's like iHOP with fire
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
