That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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