I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize