youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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