Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
