i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
