dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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