She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
