Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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