So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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