I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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