my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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