i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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