That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
