When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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