you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
