I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize