you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
