I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
